Tackling Fear – Risk Vs Reward

Tackling Fear – Risk Vs Reward

Recently it dawned on me that when it comes to my business and taking risks, I’ve been somewhat fearless (okay, pretty damn fearless). Looking back over the past few years I started my business at a time when the Finance industry was taking a beating, which seemed to have culminated in 2018 with the Royal Commissions into Banking, Finance and Insurance.

Anyone who has seen or followed any of my stuff over the past few years would also know it was at a time when financially I was clawing my way back from Divorce Destruction.

I’ve lost count the number of cliffs I feel like I’ve had to jump off in order to get my business up and running and then to a point where I could actually pay the bills. Let’s face it, the statistics on small businesses succeeding weren’t really in my favour.

But with a lot of determination and blind faith that the Universe will always provide me with what I need, I jumped off those cliffs and have soared to achieve things I never thought possible.

The rewards have been great, I have total freedom and flexibility around my kids, around the content I produce and how fast or slow I choose to build my business.

That, my friends, is how I see risk and reward when it comes to business.

Now, on the other hand when it comes to my personal life and in particular finding new love, I couldn’t be more opposite.

In the beginning, I told myself it was because:

• I didn’t want to bring anyone into the Sh*t that was my life and yeah, that was true, my Divorce was pretty messed up (not to mention lengthy)
• Then I told myself it was because I had the kids fulltime, again, true, but my Mum only lives 100km away.
• Then I told myself I had to heal and work on myself, again, true, but that was 3 years ago.
• Then I told myself I had to focus on building the business, again, true, but this year the business achieved self-sufficiency.

So, given that I’ve run out of excuses, I started to wonder, “Why was I so fearless in business, but not when it comes to love?”

Over the years I’ve dabbled a little here and there when it came to dating (one week stints, four times a year to be exact), but few people have managed to sweep me off my feet and each time, they were just not ready to settle down. Looking back, I now see it was me, not them who was not ready.

What was the block that prevented me from moving forward. Why do I guard my heart so closely, fearful that it will get crushed again? A normal response for the first few years post-divorce, but seriously, we’ve clocked up nearly a decade and so I’ve decided this sh*t’s gotta end.

That is why I’ve set myself a new challenge to take the lessons learned from all those positive affirmations, self-help books, meditations, energy healings and anything else I’ve learned the past few years and apply them to a new kind of fearlessness.

2019 will be the year of pushing through all those fear barriers and opening up my heart again. I figure what’s the worst that can happen, I get rejected by a guy who probably wasn’t the right fit anyway?

I remember watching an awesome Mat Boggs video on YouTube about dating and rejection that has stuck with me over the years. He said “If I told you that the 17th next person you date will be the one, you’d be out there trying to get rejected by 16 guys so quick it’d make your head spin”.

So that’s going to be me in 2019. Shedding that last bit of armour that has kept me safe over the years but somehow turned into a prison, keeping me from sharing all the love and joy I know I have inside of me to give.

As I come to the end of my declaration of new fearlessness, my question to you is, what are you going to do to become more fearless in 2019? What cliffs are you going to jump off and what heights do you wish to soar to?

What’s going to be your risk and reward?

I’d love to hear from you so please comment below.

To read more of my blogs, head over to my General Blog or my Personal Blog, Sh*t They Don’t Tell You When You Get Divorced.

Love and gratitude

Leisa xoxo
The Devil is in the detail

The Devil is in the detail

A few weeks ago I listened to a presentation about the different types of way we take in and process information. In the past I have read several books on similar topics, but this particular information was new to me but made oh so much sense.

I recognised instantly that I was what one terms a “global thinker/communicator”. That is, I only like to take in high level pertinent information and do not like to get bogged down in the minute details. On the other side of the spectrum are of course the detailed thinkers, who for them, it’s all about the smallest details.

In the presentation, the speaker highlighted the importance of our ability to first recognise our own communication style and then recognise others we are dealing with. Once identified, we can then adjust our communication style to greater enhance our ability to communicate with someone who may not be the same as us. In this particular case, it was how to apply it to our customers.

What I didn’t think to do was apply it to my home life.

Last night, my eldest son and I once again had a blow up about him not listening, resulting in me disconnecting the WIFI from the wall. This scene was a oh so familiar (usually without the extreme measures of disconnecting the WIFI). I’m always perplexed how my youngest and I rarely have this mis-communication issue, but with my eldest, it seems to be a weekly occurrence.

It wasn’t until he came into me about half an hour later (after sulking in his room) and asked if we could have a chat, that another light bulb moment would highlight where we had been going wrong all these years.

Wyatt’s first words to me were, “Mum do you think when you’re asking me to do something you could be a bit more specific and give me more details”. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had completely been misreading my son’s ability to understand the instructions I was giving him.

I’ll give you an example here, in case you’re not following. Our blow up was over the fact that he was playing on his iPad after I had told him to stop playing on the iPad.

Our conversation went a little something like this:

Me: “Wyatt, what are you still doing playing on the iPad?”
Wyatt: “I’m not playing Mum, I’m just looking for something”
Me: “I don’t care Wyatt, get off now”
Wyatt: “But Mum, I’m not playing, I’m just looking”.

After this I walked behind him and saw he was in a game called Terraria and that’s when I lost it and walked over and pulled the WIFI connection out of the wall.

Later on, in our little chat, Wyatt brought it to my attention that in his eyes, he wasn’t ‘technically’ playing, so he didn’t understand why he was getting in trouble. We’ve had this argument before when I’ve told them no Xbox and then half hour later, I catch him in a game collecting daily rewards.

You see, in my eyes, when I give an instruction like “No Xbox” I’m talking about all things encompassing that can be played or done on the Xbox because I am a global thinker. When my son hears “No Xbox” he thinks I only mean physically playing a game on the Xbox because he is a detailed thinker.

I now understand that if I don’t want him to do anything on the Xbox, I have to list out ALL of the potential things he could do on the Xbox eg. Playing a game, watching YouTube, Netflix etc.

This got me thinking, how many times do we have a blow up with a friend, colleague, partner, family member etc. over a mis-communication issue. At the time, we of course always think we are in the right and the other person is in the wrong. But how many of these issues could be resolved if we just understood that the other person just truly did not fully understand the point we were trying to make because they process information different to us.

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you want to read my other blogs, click here for my general blog or here to read my personal blog “Sh*t they don’t tell you when you get divorced”.

Love and Gratitude

Leisa
The perils and cost of modern day birthday parties

The perils and cost of modern day birthday parties

I was talking with my youngest child today who has his 10th birthday coming up next month and of course we got on the subject of birthday parties. Internally I was already groaning because I just knew what was about to come next.

Recently he went to a Ninja Warrior Birthday party and of course this is now what he has been begging me to have for his party. But at a cost of over $300 I was thinking “Hell No”, you’re turning 10 not 21.

But this got me thinking, when did it become the norm for parents to go all out and spend upwards of $300, $500 and sometimes nearly $1,000 on a kid’s birthday party? Will a two year old really remember when they are an adult that you threw them an expensive party complete with Jumping Castle? And what if you have more than one child? Let’s say on average you spend $350 per party for three children every year, that’s nearly $1,000 per year. This is, of course, excluding the super expensive birthday present you got them.

Can the average family really afford nearly $1,000 per year on birthday parties?

What’s worse is that if parents can’t afford it, modern day habits (and guilt) find them putting it on the credit card and worrying about it later.  If you’re like one of the 16 million credit card holders in Australia with an average outstanding balance of $3,181*, then have you considered the compounding impact of putting another $1,000 onto that debt? Especially if you’re like many households who do not pay out their credit card in full each month.

So, if you’re like me and want to find a better way to reduce the Birthday Party spend, here are my top tips:

1. Chat to the kids about having 1 or 2 friends over and taking them to the movies, bowling etc. instead of a party.
2. Have a BYOD party for Xbox/PS3/Nintendo. These days most kids have some kind of electronic device. We recently had a party where everyone BYO’d their device and battled each other right there in the living room.
3. If you have a pool or a friend with a pool, have a pool party and buy some cheap water pistols, noodles etc. from K-Mart
4. Head down to the local park or water park (if you’re lucky like Townsville) and have a BBQ utilising the free council BBQ’s.
5. Utilise vouchers sent home from school for the local bowling alley, movies, etc.
6. Purchase an Entertainment Book for your local area and utilise vouchers for activities, food and drink.
7. Utilise vouchers for Domino’s Pizza, Pizza Hut etc.
8. Stock up on Home Brand chips and lollies. Once they are out of the packet the kids won’t know the difference.

With the savings I make each year, I put towards our annual holiday fund. This way my kids still get to celebrate their birthday with friends and we as a family get to make even more memories on a family holiday.

If you plan on taking a leaf out of my book and putting your savings toward a family holiday, make sure to read my other blog “Holidays don’t need to leave you in debt”.

Until next time,
Love and Gratitude,

Leisa Quagliata
Freedom & Financial Life-Stylist

To read more blogs please CLICK HERE

*statistic taken from finder.com.au 2018 Credit Card report

How to make sure you get it right Second time around

How to make sure you get it right Second time around

Over the past 7 years I have tried and failed miserably at trying to meet another long-term partner.  Lately though, I noticed I’m not alone in my pursuit of another long-term loving relationship with not so long-term results.

You see, I’m part of a single mums and dads Facebook group and there seems to be a common thread amongst us ‘Divorcees’, in particular those who are raising their children on their own fulltime.  It is not uncommon, in particular to see the women beating themselves up about not meeting someone for years.  Often these comments are followed by “I’m scared of messing up another relationship” closely followed by “I just can’t find anyone decent”.  Believe me, I can completely relate to these sentiments.  After Divorce railroaded my life for nearly 5 years, I’m certainly in no hurry to repeat that exercise again.

But this got me thinking, how can you make sure you get it right second time around.  After all, the statistics for failed marriages is actually higher than first marriages.  WTF?  You’d think people would learn from their mistakes the first time but apparently not.

So here is what I think you should be on the look out for when you think you’ve met that special someone again:

  • When out on a date, watch how they treat the waitstaff and others around you. Wanting to impress you, they will surely treat you right, but their default personality will show in how they treat others.  As you get more comfortable in a relationship, they will most likely default to treating you how they usually treat others.  Things to watch for: Are they polite to the waitstaff?  Do they use their name, say please and thank you?  Do they offer you to order first?
  • Ladies, if a man asks you out and makes no attempt to offer to pay, DO NOT, I repeat do not go on a second date. I know there’s a few women out there who will disagree with me here, but when a man asks you out and offers to pay, what he is paying for is the privilege of your time.  If he is too stingy to pay on a first date, then chances are he’s going to be stingy your entire relationship.  There will be plenty of time for you to go Dutch when you’re actually in a relationship.
  • Pay close attention to how they talk about their Ex and how much they talk about their Ex. If conversation is dominated by talk of the Ex or talk derogatively about their Ex, be wary, clearly they’ve not unpacked baggage from their past relationship.  This also goes for yourself, if you find you’re bringing up your Ex all the time, then maybe you’re the one who’s not ready.
  • Are their words congruent with their actions? Do they act with Integrity or do they say one thing and do another?
  • When you get to the stage of introducing them to your kids, watch how they interact with your kids or other people’s children. Do they make the effort to do stuff with your kids?  Are they polite, considerate, understanding and patient with them?  Or do they always want to do stuff without the kids or get upset because the kids are around?  Remember if you’re a single parent, you’re a package deal.
  • Take note of how they make you feel and follow your intuition. If they are ticking all the right boxes but your gut is telling you something isn’t quite right, follow that gut feeling.  Intuition is your internal guidance system trying to warn you when something is not quite right so listen to it.

Lastly, I’d like to wish you all the best in future endeavours to find love and remember, different people bring out the best (and sometimes worst) in others so don’t judge a person based on their past.  Like the Share market, past performance is no indication of future performance.

What I wish I could tell my Twenty something year old self

What I wish I could tell my Twenty something year old self

The other evening I was having a quiet drink in a local pub chatting to a friend when suddenly this young attractive lady walked by and nearly got knocked over by my friend’s waving arms as he animatedly told me a story about how his ex-girlfriend and Mum got into a punch up.  Rather than be upset, this young lady was intrigued by the story and ended up joining us for quite some time.  You see, this young lady, let’s call her Jill was 25 years old and recently separated from a 3 year relationship and now felt like she was 3 years behind, especially financially, where she should be in life.  Jill went on to tell us that she felt like there was a lot of pressure on her to meet ‘The One’, get married and have kids.

I could hardly blame her, I remember being 25 wondering if I was ever going to meet ‘The One’ especially when all my cousins and friends had somehow managed to meet ‘The One’ and settle down.  Jill went on to tell me her year had been filled with going to her friends’ weddings and it was starting to get to her.  She asked me if I had any words of wisdom for her and it got me thinking, “What advice would I have given my 25 year old self?”

And this was my response:

  • Always ensure you have access to your own money. Make sure your pay is paid into your personal bank account and any contribution to a joint account is paid from here
  • Any contribution to joint monies in a relationship should be an agreed percentage. Oftentimes the man earns more than the woman so is it fair that if you each put $300 per week into a joint account this might represent 5% of his weekly wage but 10% of yours?  By making it a percentage, it will always be fair and relevant to your actual earnings.
  • Invest early, small amounts invested regularly to take advantage of compounding interest will make a big difference in the long run. Especially with your superannuation.
  • If you bring assets into a relationship make sure you have them valued before you begin living together, this includes Property, Superannuation and Shares etc.
  • Consider a Binding Financial Agreement if you bring major assets into a relationship. No-one enters a long-term relationship thinking about splitting up but it’s like insurance, better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

Lastly, I told her not to be in a rush.  When you consider the average man and woman live to age 82 and 84 years respectively, there is plenty of time to tie the knot and have the privilege to annoy someone for the rest of their life.

So next time Aunt Gladys asks you why you’re still single tell her you’re still working on laying the foundations for a truly great relationship that will stand the test of time.