Are you tired of being the go-to person for friends and family to dump their emotional baggage on? Do you feel like your boundaries are constantly being trampled, leaving you drained and unfulfilled? If so, then keep reading!
As a life coach, I’ve always been known for giving good advice and being upbeat and positive. However, I recently had a realization that some acquaintances were taking advantage of my kindness and using me as their emotional dumping ground. It was time for me to speak up and reclaim my voice, just like I used to in my teenage years!
Over the years I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to set boundaries and speak our truth, even if it means saying no to others. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care. So, if you find yourself in similar situations, it’s time to identify those one-sided relationships where you’re always there to listen, but they never ask how you’re doing.
If you would like to see the whole Youtube video on how to identify if you need an emotional detox please click here.
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and neglect our own needs. We often find ourselves saying yes to others, even when it comes at the expense of our own mental and emotional health. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
Did you know that when you suppress your true feelings, it can shut down the throat chakra, resulting in your unconscious mind creating mysterious illnesses like a sore throat with no other apparent symptoms? I should know, I did this throughout my 8-year divorce battle.
What prevents us from setting healthy boundaries for our own happiness and the well-being of those around us?
Fear. Plain and simple
Years of conditioning growing up can result in limiting beliefs that if we put our own needs first, we will be seen as self-centred, selfish, uncaring and vein. This used to be me until I realised that when the chips were down, no-one really showed up for me, leaving me feeling a little bit jaded.
But who is to blame? Is it the people who don’t think to meet our needs in the same way we have met theirs? Or is it ours for not having the courage to speak up and express our needs?
That’s right, it’s actually our fault for not communicating our needs in the first place. I recently spoke with a few girlfriends who had experienced the same. One had to battle cancer on her own throughout Covid, with nary a friend in sight. The other, felt let down as her own generosity was not reciprocated when she and her family were struck down with Covid, throwing them all into isolation.
In each of these circumstances, including my own, not knowing how to speak up and make my needs known is why the blame lays squarely on our own shoulders.
When we learn to give ourselves compassion and stop playing the martyr all the time others will start to follow suit. I’m not going to deny that you may get a bit of push back from others, particularly if they are not used to hearing you say no. But trust me, when you start honouring your own boundaries, others will take notice too.
Here are five top practical tips for learning how to set healthy boundaries:
- Clearly communicate your limits: Be upfront and assertive about your needs, desires, and limitations. Use “I” statements to express yourself in a non-blaming and non-judgmental way. For example, “I need some alone time to recharge,” or “I am not comfortable with this behaviour.”
- Prioritize self-care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Set aside time for yourself, whether it’s for exercise, hobbies, or simply resting and rejuvenating. Respect your own needs and make self-care a priority without feeling guilty about it.
- Learn to say no: Saying no is not selfish, it’s a healthy way to set boundaries. Be firm but polite when declining requests or invitations that go against your values or priorities. Remember, you have the right to say no without feeling guilty or obligated to explain yourself.
- Recognize and manage emotional triggers: Be aware of situations or people that trigger emotional responses in you. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions, and take steps to manage them, such as taking a step back, setting limits, or seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist.
- Be mindful of your own needs: It’s important to know and honour your own needs, even in the context of relationships. Avoid neglecting your own well-being or sacrificing your own values and desires to please others. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but rather necessary for healthy relationships.
Remember, setting healthy boundaries is a continuous process that requires self-awareness, assertiveness, and consistent self-care. It’s okay to start small and gradually build your boundary-setting skills. By setting healthy boundaries, you’ll create healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the long run.
Want more practical tips on how you can heal yourself and your relationships with others in the process?
Say goodbye to emotional exhaustion and hello to a happier, healthier you!
That’s it for now, I’m Leisa Q, your trusted life coach for setting healthy boundaries and living a life of empowerment and have a fabulous day.