by Leisa Quagliata | Dec 31, 2018 | blog, General
Recently it dawned on me that when it comes to my business and taking risks, I’ve been somewhat fearless (okay, pretty damn fearless). Looking back over the past few years I started my business at a time when the Finance industry was taking a beating, which seemed to have culminated in 2018 with the Royal Commissions into Banking, Finance and Insurance.
Anyone who has seen or followed any of my stuff over the past few years would also know it was at a time when financially I was clawing my way back from Divorce Destruction.
I’ve lost count the number of cliffs I feel like I’ve had to jump off in order to get my business up and running and then to a point where I could actually pay the bills. Let’s face it, the statistics on small businesses succeeding weren’t really in my favour.
But with a lot of determination and blind faith that the Universe will always provide me with what I need, I jumped off those cliffs and have soared to achieve things I never thought possible.
The rewards have been great, I have total freedom and flexibility around my kids, around the content I produce and how fast or slow I choose to build my business.
That, my friends, is how I see risk and reward when it comes to business.
Now, on the other hand when it comes to my personal life and in particular finding new love, I couldn’t be more opposite.
In the beginning, I told myself it was because:
• I didn’t want to bring anyone into the Sh*t that was my life and yeah, that was true, my Divorce was pretty messed up (not to mention lengthy)
• Then I told myself it was because I had the kids fulltime, again, true, but my Mum only lives 100km away.
• Then I told myself I had to heal and work on myself, again, true, but that was 3 years ago.
• Then I told myself I had to focus on building the business, again, true, but this year the business achieved self-sufficiency.
So, given that I’ve run out of excuses, I started to wonder, “Why was I so fearless in business, but not when it comes to love?”
Over the years I’ve dabbled a little here and there when it came to dating (one week stints, four times a year to be exact), but few people have managed to sweep me off my feet and each time, they were just not ready to settle down. Looking back, I now see it was me, not them who was not ready.
What was the block that prevented me from moving forward. Why do I guard my heart so closely, fearful that it will get crushed again? A normal response for the first few years post-divorce, but seriously, we’ve clocked up nearly a decade and so I’ve decided this sh*t’s gotta end.
That is why I’ve set myself a new challenge to take the lessons learned from all those positive affirmations, self-help books, meditations, energy healings and anything else I’ve learned the past few years and apply them to a new kind of fearlessness.
2019 will be the year of pushing through all those fear barriers and opening up my heart again. I figure what’s the worst that can happen, I get rejected by a guy who probably wasn’t the right fit anyway?
I remember watching an awesome Mat Boggs video on YouTube about dating and rejection that has stuck with me over the years. He said “If I told you that the 17th next person you date will be the one, you’d be out there trying to get rejected by 16 guys so quick it’d make your head spin”.
So that’s going to be me in 2019. Shedding that last bit of armour that has kept me safe over the years but somehow turned into a prison, keeping me from sharing all the love and joy I know I have inside of me to give.
As I come to the end of my declaration of new fearlessness, my question to you is, what are you going to do to become more fearless in 2019? What cliffs are you going to jump off and what heights do you wish to soar to?
What’s going to be your risk and reward?
I’d love to hear from you so please comment below.
To read more of my blogs, head over to my General Blog or my Personal Blog, Sh*t They Don’t Tell You When You Get Divorced.
Love and gratitude
by Leisa Quagliata | Dec 18, 2017 | blog
Over the past 7 years I have tried and failed miserably at trying to meet another long-term partner. Lately though, I noticed I’m not alone in my pursuit of another long-term loving relationship with not so long-term results.
You see, I’m part of a single mums and dads Facebook group and there seems to be a common thread amongst us ‘Divorcees’, in particular those who are raising their children on their own fulltime. It is not uncommon, in particular to see the women beating themselves up about not meeting someone for years. Often these comments are followed by “I’m scared of messing up another relationship” closely followed by “I just can’t find anyone decent”. Believe me, I can completely relate to these sentiments. After Divorce railroaded my life for nearly 5 years, I’m certainly in no hurry to repeat that exercise again.
But this got me thinking, how can you make sure you get it right second time around. After all, the statistics for failed marriages is actually higher than first marriages. WTF? You’d think people would learn from their mistakes the first time but apparently not.
So here is what I think you should be on the look out for when you think you’ve met that special someone again:
- When out on a date, watch how they treat the waitstaff and others around you. Wanting to impress you, they will surely treat you right, but their default personality will show in how they treat others. As you get more comfortable in a relationship, they will most likely default to treating you how they usually treat others. Things to watch for: Are they polite to the waitstaff? Do they use their name, say please and thank you? Do they offer you to order first?
- Ladies, if a man asks you out and makes no attempt to offer to pay, DO NOT, I repeat do not go on a second date. I know there’s a few women out there who will disagree with me here, but when a man asks you out and offers to pay, what he is paying for is the privilege of your time. If he is too stingy to pay on a first date, then chances are he’s going to be stingy your entire relationship. There will be plenty of time for you to go Dutch when you’re actually in a relationship.
- Pay close attention to how they talk about their Ex and how much they talk about their Ex. If conversation is dominated by talk of the Ex or talk derogatively about their Ex, be wary, clearly they’ve not unpacked baggage from their past relationship. This also goes for yourself, if you find you’re bringing up your Ex all the time, then maybe you’re the one who’s not ready.
- Are their words congruent with their actions? Do they act with Integrity or do they say one thing and do another?
- When you get to the stage of introducing them to your kids, watch how they interact with your kids or other people’s children. Do they make the effort to do stuff with your kids? Are they polite, considerate, understanding and patient with them? Or do they always want to do stuff without the kids or get upset because the kids are around? Remember if you’re a single parent, you’re a package deal.
- Take note of how they make you feel and follow your intuition. If they are ticking all the right boxes but your gut is telling you something isn’t quite right, follow that gut feeling. Intuition is your internal guidance system trying to warn you when something is not quite right so listen to it.
Lastly, I’d like to wish you all the best in future endeavours to find love and remember, different people bring out the best (and sometimes worst) in others so don’t judge a person based on their past. Like the Share market, past performance is no indication of future performance.
by Leisa Quagliata | Nov 1, 2017 | blog
When my marriage fell apart, after the initial shock, my first thoughts were “I get a second chance to be happy” and “Crap, I better go back and get that degree I quit if I’m to raise my kids for the next 15 years”.
At the time, my boys were 19 months and 3 years old and I was in a well paid part-time temp job in Brisbane. But as my ex had just announced he was relocating to Perth and we had no family in Brisbane, I had no choice but to move back in with Mum and Dad, who were located in North Queensland. I was fortunate enough to be offered a fulltime job in the Townsville branch of the company I had been working part-time for in Brisbane. However, as I was already bored in that job, the thought of doing it full time and having to put the kids into fulltime daycare did not excite me, so I decided to go back to University to finish that degree I had started 20 years previously. Leading me to my next challenge, how does one subsist on government benefits alone while trying to raise two kids, re-educate myself, pay for lawyers and have a life. I learned very quickly it all came down to asking the right person the right questions.
This is what I learned:
Studying with kids as a single parent is hard. Even harder if you have them fulltime like I did. You need to treat your studies like a full time job. If you’re trying to juggle kids, working and study, it’s likely that one of them is going to drop at some stage.
If you have to work due to financial pressures, look into all avenues for financial assistance or re-work your budget. I found menu-planning and most recently online grocery shopping can save you hundreds of dollars each year by helping you stick to your budget.
Financial assistance is available for single parents to re-educate themselves in the form of Centrelink Pensioner Education Supplements and subsidised childcare through the Jobs, Education and Training Child Care Fee assistance (JET) program.
Universities have various Grants to assist in paying for books, living expenses and tuition. Check their websites for more details. You can also defer your tuition fees through HECS-HELP or VET FEE-HELP. See StudyAssist.gov.au for more information.
Smith Family/ANZ Saver Plus Program – this is a 10 month financial education and matched savings program that assists families to gain financial skills, establish a savings goal and develop long term saving habits. The matched funding can be used for educational costs such as computers and tablets, text books and uniforms. I funded my 2nd year books through this program.
When it comes to property settlement matters with the ex – try to negotiate more support whilst you are studying to allow you to do it fulltime. Lawyers get you caught up on percentages and eagerly tell mothers (in particular) they are entitled to a higher percentage if not working. But instead of percentages of the property pool, think strategically like exchanging 5% of the property pool if the ex will pay 75% of school fees, books, uniforms and sports while you are at university and the first year you are back at work instead of 50/50.
Re-educating yourself post separation can make the world of difference to your self-esteem and career prospects.
So what are you waiting for? Check out your options today!