Back in 2018, I started a blog called "Sh*t They Don't Tell You When You Get Divorced".
It was a time when my financial planning business was finally gaining forward momentum, the kids were settled and for the first time in nearly eight years since my divorce, I felt like life was finally back on track. I was even starting to think it was safe to open my heart again.
Life was looking up and I felt a strong urge to help others who were on their own divorce journey, by sharing the lessons I'd learned (the hard way) on my mine.
I had mistakenly thought all my lessons were behind me, baggage unpacked, and the green light given by the Universe to finally embrace life post-divorce.
And then BAM! Just like that, in the blink of an eye, my Ex started up his sh*t again and silly me couldn't help but be drawn back into his little games. Undoing all the hard work I had spent years trying to heal myself.
Why? I kept asking myself. Why would he do this to me again? Why couldn't he just let me get on with my life?
Now anyone who has been through a divorce or significant relationship breakdown will know what I'm talking about here when I say,
In that moment, I felt like the Universe was conspiring against me to be happy.
It's easy to see, how when you are in the thick of a tumultuous time in your life, feeling like you're being pulled from pillar to post, one could have this thought.
Now, the fully healed version of me knows with absolute clarity, that the Universe wasn't conspiring against me. No, no no, in fact it was conspiring WITH ME! I just couldn't see it at the time.
I was being given another chance to break free from a cycle that was interfering in my ability to heal and let go of the deep-seated wounds that, unbeknownst to me, were causing self-sabotaging behaviours and creating havoc in multiple areas of my life.
Ever heard that term you need to be broken down in order to build back up? That was what was about to happen in 2018 mere months after starting my blog. Not even a psychic could have accurately predicted what was about to unfold and how.
To fully understand, I need to take you back to 2012 where this cycle began. After separation, I relocated to Townsville, (the Ex went to Perth), settled the kids in daycare, enrolled in University and began rebuilding my life. We lived a simple life during this time, after all there's not a lot of spare money when you're a fulltime Uni student and fulltime single mum.
I was smashing goals at Uni and starting to feel pretty good about myself and the future I was building for the kids. That was until one day...
I opened a piece of mail that would seriously alter the next eight years of my life.
Back then I knew very little about the child support system, but boy was I in for a rude awakening.
Now I'm not going to bore you with all the details so here's a summary of what happened.
From March 2012 to July 2013, the Ex and I were locked in a bitter battle over child support. By the time we finally made it to a Tribunal hearing, I felt drained to within an inch of my mental sanity and physical reserves. The outcome of that Tribunal ensured I lost what was left in an already empty tank.
But I'm getting off track here. That very first battle dragged out a further three years until finally in 2015 I conceded defeat and did all things possible to bring this ridiculous battle to a halt. The mental, emotional and physical toll on me was no longer sustainable and something had to give. That something being me.
Eventually I found peace again, until 2016 when my Ex started the cycle all over again, reeling me back in for a further four years of endless fighting. Gripped by the fear of getting burned by the fiery wrath of a divorce that seemed content on derailing my life again and again,
I shut down my blog, shut down my voice and retreated back to feeling sorry for myself, AGAIN.
I openly complained to anyone who would listen, blaming my Ex for all that was now going wrong in my life. Falling back into a victim mentality, I began losing hope that anything would get better again.
Looking back now, I can see it was my thoughts, my words and my actions keeping me stuck, not his. Little did I know that each time I complained, I was giving my personal power away, keeping myself trapped in this cycle I had affectionately come to refer to as "The Vortex of Hell".
The enlightened version of me, thanks to reading "Ask and It is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires" by Esther and Jerry Hicks, (among other things) recognises that even innocently referring to my life as "The Vortex of Hell" was creating a self-perpetuating prophecy.
So how did I escape from "The Vortex of Hell" and turn my back on fear?
Guess you'll have to keep tuning into my blogs as I take you on a journey how I took my life from Broken to Beautiful.
If you're experiencing similar circumstances and want help purging from your life what is no longer bringing you joy, come and join us for a complimentary Evolve with Me session in the Soul Life Connections Community, where it's all about Real People giving Real Help in Real Time.
Love and Gratitude,
LeisaQ